I finished off my last year of high school pretty well off. I was sent to durham college with a full bursary and while that was amazing, I ended up not really doing anything amazing with that oppourtunity. I discovered, I don't even like the program I'm in and I can't be bothered with it. Yeah, so it appears my luck has ran out. I mean it only makes sense, right? I get real happy and excited about something only to be let down again.

Me, excited about learning. That didn't last very long. Now everyday is a nightmare again. No, I'm not talking about your typical nightmare, nor am I trying to be dramatic. I don't know if people realize it but school, if its going to be a part of your everyday life, you might as well make it as painless as possible. What I'm doing now is really painful and I'm telling you, its not the greatest experience ever. I thought it would be so much better than this. I really did.

I use the word nightmare because it has gotten so bad that now I'm even dreaming about it when I'm asleep. Dreaming about going to class and not having work done or dreaming up thoughts for ideas for my never ending list of projects. I swear I'm losing my mind because it never gets rest. Its always worrying about something or other.

I currently don't have a clue what I'm going to do with my life and that kinda frustrates me. Seems like everything I worked for really wasnt for anything at all. This year in everyone's eyes I have failed, yet again. I might have learnt a few new things but i'm not going to have anything to show for it other than mabbe a few college credits and a low GPA. As usual, my marks are as moody as I am. I'm kicking ass in some courses and failing terribly in others.

I just want to find something I can stand doing for the rest of my life. I wish I knew what to do.